So, SEX. This article from MSNBC indicates that in Australia, at least, sex may not be allowed in the nursing home. So, part of our planning must be to:
1. Make sure that the nursing home we are likely to end up in (remember, we childless must make this decision ourselves at a time when we can still make decisions) will allow us to either a) stay together, or b) sneak into eachother's rooms when, you know, its time to, well, you know.
2. Retain possession of a car with a wheel-chair accessible back seat.
3. Give up on SEX. Yeh, right, like THAT is gonna happen.
#2 could be problematic, #3 just ain't gonna happen, so lets concentrate on the first option.
By Arthur Caplan, Ph.D.
When it comes to the elderly, almost no one wants to talk about
sex. This is especially true when nursing home and residential care are
involved.
According to new report by a group in
Australia in the Journal of Medical Ethics, the idea that adults
should be able to engage in sexual relationships whenever, and with whomever,
they choose becomes very complicated for residents in most nursing homes. For
residents with dementia, romantic intimacy is especially discouraged.
Many older people, including those with early stage dementia,
enjoy sex while living at home with their spouses. But this ends once they move
into a nursing home, even for long-term couples, note the researchers from
the Australian Centre for
Evidence-Based Aged Care. Married or not, sex ends at the nursing
home door.
Nursing homes are simply not set up to permit
romance. Privacy is at a premium and few room doors lock. Most rooms
are double-occupancy with single beds. And nursing home staff don’t typically
encourage romance and sex. It's one less thing for nursing home owners and
administrators to worry about.
We're so prudish about the elderly and intimate relationships
that we don’t even broach the topic when a loved one is heading to a home. We
consider freedom and autonomy when debating who will have the right to pull the
feeding tube or turn off the dialysis machine if Mom or Dad can't communicate,
but we do nothing to ensure their right to enjoy themselves in an area of life
that matters a great deal to them.
Sex may not be for every nursing home resident, but it is surely
for some. That's autonomy worth talking about.
A nursing home ought be at least as tolerant as a
prison. Some prisons permit conjugal visits. Shouldn’t we expect the
same of nursing homes? If you care about your parents' and grandparents'
dignity, sex ought to be a topic of conversation regarding the nursing home if
that's where they're headed or where they now live.
Bioethicist Art Caplan is the head of the Division of Medical
Ethics, NYU Langone Medical Center.
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