Guess we're not the only ones thinking about this.

Here is a link to a piece in the NY Times written by Kelly Flynn titled "But Who Will Care for Me?"  Kelly writes about finding herself in a familiar situation;  Aging, and childless.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/10/booming/10story-booming.html

It is a well written piece, and she seems to be worried about how to deal with the things we have been discussing here for a while.  But what I find really interesting about this piece is the tone of the comments written by others.  Some are critical of the decision (in those cases where it is a decision and not something that just happened) to not have children.  (See my earlier post concerning our decision to not have children.)   There were also comments such aas the following:

Sorry, but anatomy is destiny.
A woman was given a womb to hold a child.
A woman was given breasts to nurture that child.
A woman who makes a decision not to have any children becomes a study in tragedy and sorrow when she ages in an empty home.
So sad. So tragic. So selfish.

Are we talking about a woman, or a horse?

Others commented on the unreliability of children to provide happiness and security as their parents eld.  Some where happy to have husbands and families, some happy that they did not have to suffer the indignity of an ailing or un-faithful husband or ungrateful kids.

I guess my point is that in thinking about eldering without childering, there is a danger in getting hung up on decisions of the past, to foal or not to foal, circumstances that may have prevented or encouraged foaling, an involuntary act of conception that resulted in unanticipated or premature foaling.  Hey, snap out of it!  Looking back, looking for regrets, for missed opportunities, for things that might have been had not something else been instead, only promotes sadness.  And sadness does not get us where we want to go.

Here we are looking for strategies that will result in a happy elderhood.  I propose that an important aspect of an effective strategy is the ability to look forward, with enthusiasm and anticipation, not fear or regret.

• Yes, I will likely move into assisted living some day.
• I will meet new people there.
• Some will be incredibly annoying
• Some will not appreciate my humor or like my curried skittles.
• Some will become my best friends.
• I will cry when friends pass on.
• I will look back on our times together and smile, not with regret but with gratitude that we had a some great, interesting times.

Attitude is key.  Developing the habit (Oh, God, not with the HABITS again!) of a positive outlook is key.  If you must look at the movie of your past, think of it as a comedy.  Smile.  Laugh.  Then look forward.

"We did not have any kids.  I did have a foal once.  Named him Hargus.  Boy, what a stupid kid I was back then.  Hey, Kelly, want a beer?  Lets play some dominos!"

Michael