Some Statistics

From AARP Public Policy Institute and other sources:

• 16 percent of frail adults aged 85 and older have no surviving children to help provide their caregiving.
• By 2040, then the oldest boomers are in their 90's, that number will rise to 21% (how do they know that?).
• More than one fifth of boomers are childless
• Another 17% had only one child.
• Only 37 percent of older adults who aren't in nursing homes or hospice care (and only 15% of all adults) have completed legal proxies specifying who can make health care decisions on their behalf. (Notice how the insertion of the word "only" changes the perceived quality of the statistic.)

Michael

The Keys Please II

On October 15, 2012, I posted a blog entry called "The Keys, Please" concerning the question how to know when it is time to stop driving.  The following link is to a document called a Family Driving Agreement.  I think this is an elegant solution to the issue.  It clarifies a specific plan for who will make the determination, and what the consequences of that determination are.

Of course it may not work.  If we have lost our marbles, we may no longer remember that we committed to the agreement, or recognize the trusted party.  Still, it is a stake in the ground.  By doing so while our minds are solvent, we just may have planted a seed of realization that may take root when our minds have dissolved.  It is better than nothing.  And, it just may even be legally binding (I have not asked a lawyer about this).

The document looks something like this:

Family Driving Agreement

Dear Family (or To Whom It May Concern); 

As I continue through the aging process, I realize there may come a day when the
advantages of my continuing to drive are outweighed by the safety risk I pose not only to
myself, but also to other motorists.

I want to continue driving for as long as is safely possible, but when my driving is no
longer safe, I will trust:
___________________________________________________
(name of trusted friend or relative)

when he/she tells me that I need to discontinue driving, or to continue driving with
certain restrictions.

I will maintain my integrity by listening to and accepting this individual’s driving-related
recommendations, thereby ensuring not only my safety, but also the safety of the
motoring public.

Signed ______________________________________________ Date _____________
(your signature)

Signed _____________________________________________ Date _____________
(by person named above)

Witness _____________________________________________ Date ____________

Keeping Us Safe
Proudly Serving America’s Senior Drivers andTheir Families
www.keepingussafe.org
877-907-8841
Copyright © 2011 Keeping Us Safe, LLC All Rights Reserved



A link to the actual, nicely formatted document is:

http://keepingussafe.org/linked/familydrivingagreement100111.pdf

I have saved a copy in my "getting elded" file and will sign one.  Soon.  Really, I will.

Michael

Confusion. Happens when you eld.

I know that many of you have a lot to say on the subject of this blog.
But, you don't know how to go about leaving a comment.
I must confess that I find it confusing myself.
So, here is how to do it.

Two ways:

1)  Open your browser and to to http://mdw-growingold.blogspot.com/.  You will see all of the posts.  At the bottom of each post is a link to make a comment.  Feel free to be pithy or pissy, as you wish.

2)  If you are receiving an email with each new post, you will find, at the bottom of the email, the following message:

"You are subscribed to email updates from Growing Old Alone - Navigating Retirement and Aging Without the Support of Family." This link will take you to the blog, where once again you may be as insightful or unsightly as you wish.  If you wish to receive these emails but are not, go back to #1 above and, at the bottom of the posts you will find a box in which you can enter your email address, at which you will receive notice each time there is a post.  Given the (low) volume of comments received, I do not know if you will receive an email with comments.   Hope this helps.  If it does not, leave me a comment and I'll work on it. Michael

Involvement keeps the mind sharp.

Having a purpose helps focus the mind and keep elders from getting lazy.  Continuing to be active in the things that interest us is a technique for keeping the mind sharp and life interesting.  Often as we get older we begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.  It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that serve as an inspiration for us all. Harold Schlumberg is one such a person: Harold says: "I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that you're retired?' Well, I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whiskey into urine.  It's rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling.  I do it every day and I really enjoy it." Harold is an inspiration to us all. Stay busy, my friends. Michael

A Sensitive Subject

I have been siting on a draft of this for some time, reluctant to post it.  I have been worried that some of my readers might find it offensive, and that others might respond and take the blog in a direction that is not my intent.  But upon reflection, I realize that we are all mature readers (some literally, some figuratively, some both), and that as we eld there are awkward subjects that we do need to talk about.

One of our commenters touched on a subject that we have not yet addressed - "end of life" planning, or rather, "ending of life" planning. We have not yet gotten to the subject of managing hospice care and palliative care at the end of life when there is ostensibly no one to do the managing for us.  I am still not sure how to approach that subject.  How do we make sure our wishes are carried out at the end?  We will need some help figuring that one out.  Any ideas would be appreciated.

But what if we get to the point, or anticipate at some time getting to the point, or want to plan on what to do if and when we are at the point of knowing, that to go on is pointless.  That pain, isolation, hardship and embarrassment for ourselves and our loved ones are are all that is left for as long as we continue to breathe, and that it is time to call it quits?

Assisted-suicide is legal in several jurisdictions, including Belgium, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, Switzerland and three American states (Oregon, Washington, and Montana).  There are a number of links to Hemlock Societies (you remember hemlock, the poison of choice for Socrates) and other sites on the internet that may or may not be useful if one wants to plan on taking advantage of assistance, or not being able to take advantage of assistance, when the time has come.

 But the thought of this poses a number of dilemas:  was Hemingway being a Man by ending it when he knew there was nothing left for him, or was he being incredibly rude and selfish by making a dramatic mess at the front door.  Does anyone have a right to make what seems such a personal decision when it affects so many others.  What happens when we are diagnosed with early stage ALS and are facing a rapid, steep and discomforting decline?  If we find the thought abhorrent now, will we think differently then?

I am young enough and healthy enough that I have not felt compelled to give it much thought.  Thus I do not plan to do much research on this subject for this blog at this time - my focus is on LIVING with dignity, and not DYING with dignity.  But it would be interesting to hear what others think.  Should we discuss it here?  Is dying a right over which we should be able to exercise control, or is it a privilege granted us by Nature at its/her/his convenience?

Michael

It is really about self-reliance.

Fidelity's most recent report on the cost of health care in retirement (see Fidelity® Estimates Couples Retiring In 2012 Will Need $240,000 To Pay Medical Expenses Throughout Retirement at http://www.fidelity.com/inside-fidelity/individual-investing/retiree-health-care-costs-2012) offers some sobering statistics on what it costs to get elded and not have, or not be able to have, a job or other source of income other than Social Security.

If you were retiring now and would be relying on Social Security as your primary source of income in retirement, by 2027 your health care costs would consume approximately 61% of your SS benefits according to the most recent Fidelity study (see URL above).  These costs represent stuff that your Medicare will not cover.  Medical costs are still going up faster that SS cost of living adjustments and salary increases, so the average percentage will be increasing to the 61% over time.  And of course medical needs are increasing as we get older as well.  Fidelity's estimate includes the out-of-pocked costs for deductibles, co-payments, premiums for optional coverage for doctor visits and prescription drugs, hearing aids, eyeglasses, and other items not covered by Medicare.  It does not include any costs associated with nursing-home care and applies to retirees with traditional Medicare insurance coverage.

So, what does all this have to do with Growing Old Alone?  These are, of course, issues that we are all facing, regardless of whether or not we have given birth to cute little annuities (ie children).  But for us who are childless, these stats point towards lessons we should learn now, if we have not already.  These lessons include:

• Take advantage of every opportunity to remain self-reliant.
• Be diligent in protecting your health and your mind.
• Save.  Now.  It is not too late.
• Don't count on SS providing a decent standard of living as you eld.  SS was never intended as a retirement plan.  It is a program designed to keep you from having to live in a cardboard box.
• Consider working as long as you can.  It may not be what you want, but it may be what you need.
• Develop a financial plan early.  And be realistic about it (see earlier posts).
• Develop good mental habits early (see earlier posts).

No one is going to pay for your health care as you age but you, unless you become destitute and qualify for Medicaid.  You've already paid for Medicare (those annoying payroll deductions), you may have already paid (if it makes sense for you - see earlier posts) for long term care insurance.  You will pay for any further medical costs not covered by these two sources from whatever other assets or income you have.  This is strong argument for self reliance (that could be the subject of a whole 'nother blog).

If reliance on SS and Medicaid is your plan, then, given the rhetoric in Washington these days, I would advise looking for a comfortable cardboard box now.

Michael

More on Meditation from TED Talks

Andy Puddicombe: All it takes is 10 mindful minutes

http://www.ted.com/talks/andy_puddicombe_all_it_takes_is_10_mindful_minutes.html

Michael