Getting Scammed

Another worrisome subject (and a too-long post - sorry).  You must all think I am paranoid, given all the things I seem to worry about.  But I am NOT paranoid.  Really.  A paranoid is someone who thinks everyone is out to get them.  But after reading a news story in today's Providence Journal about elders getting scammed, I understand that everyone IS out to get not just me, but all of us elders-in-training.

There are two sure-fire ways to protect ourselves from scammers.  First:  Don't get old.  Stop the clock.  Pull the plug.  This subject has been written about elsewhere, and will not be covered in this blog.

Second:  Enter elderhood with no assets that any scammer would covet. If you don't got it, they won't come after it.  "I would LOVE to send several thousand dollars to Ethiopia to bail out my long lost great great great second cousin's father's grandson from being stranded in a dangerous situation, but all I have is my phone, this stale tuna sandwich and a paper bag with a change of underwear.  Really."  Executing this plan is easy;  just liquidate all your lucre and with the proceeds send a cashier's check payable to me.  I promise you, I will keep it safe by investing it in large boats and old wine.  And maybe a ruby or two.

But I have another idea.  A "third way", if you will.  This might also be a good idea for those of you who DO have adult children to take care of you.

Think of elderhood as a business venture.  Strategic in nature, involving sources and uses of funds, fixed costs, discretionary spending, risk management, annual operating plans.  And at the end, as with any private equity investment, a planned liquidity event.  Or if you prefer, think of it as a family business with, in our case, no projeny to take over the business.

Businesses with strong corporate governance practices tend to be more successful than those run with less discipline.  A key feature of strong corporate governance is the oversight of a Board of Directors or Advisors.  This applies to public, private, not-for-profit and family businesses.

Lets consider establishing a Board of Advisors for ourselves.  I am going to make an assumption that my readers have at least a few trusted friends and/or independent advisors (lawyer, accountant, investment advisor, clergy, doctor, geriatric care coordinator, bartender).   It is risky to assign exclusive fiduciary responsibility to just one person (remember what happened to Brooke Astor!  Her son, of all people, ripped her off.  Or Mickey Rooney, featured in today's ProJo story).  But, with an advisory board, no one person will be able to act alone.  Decisions would require consensus.  A variety of opinions would be expressed.  Outcomes would be monitored.

So how would this work?  The Board's role would need to be clearly defined and agreed to.  Maybe in writing, with the help of a lawyer.  Dear Readers, give me some ideas.

Here is one possible scenario:

My Board agrees that I am not to spend any money over a certain amount, purchase any fixed asset above a certain limit, make any long term commitments, or (and this is important) make any charitable, medical, loans or advances of ANY amount, without getting Board consensus.

Then I get a phone call from the Acme Senior Science Holistic Medicine Company (ASSHOL MEDCO) telling me that I have been selected for a clinical trial and will receive a year's supply of a new pill that will prevent all forms of senility, GUARANTEED.  All I have to do is promise to fill out a survey at the end of the trial period.  And give them proof that I am a responsible elderperson by giving them my social security number, my bank account number and credit card number.  Just for verification purposes, of course.  But I must act now, because they need to select the trial participants, now, in order to secure government authorization to send me the pills.  Now.

"Hey, honey, this sounds like a great deal, we are so lucky to have been selected, the guy on the phone even said I could share the pills with you.  Quick, get me the check book!"  "Honey, I've got Darrell on the other line, you agreed we can't do anything without talking to him first."  "Hey, Darrell, you won't believe how lucky we are.  We just learned.......(yada yada yada)"  "Mike, you f-----g idiot.  That is not in your business plan.  Step away from the other phone."

That is the board's job.  To tell you that you are a f-----g idiot.  Actually, if you told the ASSHOL MEDCO guy that you needed to get authorization from your Board of Advisors, your phone line would probably go dead.  Now.

So, DR's, are there more ideas on how to prevent the Cons from hitting their Marks?  Remember, I am looking for ideas from the perspective of Elders without Youngsters.

What do you think?

Michael